The Faith of Success and True Love

Before you ever fall in love, you have to first believe in love – true love that is. Among the many lessons taught to us by The Princess Bride (not the least of which is “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line), is that true love is “the greatest thing in the world (except for a nice MLT – mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomatoes are ripe),” and the most noble of all causes. But what is true love, and what does it have to do with success? One word: Purpose.

There are over 7 billion people on this planet (that’s nine zeroes), yet there is only one of you. How extraordinary is that? Let’s say that again – there is no other you. You are it, the only one of you. Suffice to say then, the most unique thing about you is, well, you. And the only thing that you can give to the world that nobody else can is that very same thing – you. Why does this matter, you ask? Because understanding who you are, finding your true self, is critical to finding true love and success.

If you are the one thing that only you can give to the universe, then giving who you are – your talents, ideas, passions, etc. – is your purpose. But it is not just giving your self, it is giving your best self. And why would you want to be anything less anyway? You owe it to yourself, and to everyone around you, to be your best self. If you are less than your best self, then you are not fulfilling your greatest potential. You are not fulfilling your purpose. How do I know if I am being my best self and living my purpose, you ask? Easy. It comes down to faith.

Living your purpose is a means, not an end. It is a continual process without knowing what the ultimate outcome will be. Every day you wake up and make your greatest effort to be your best self. Every decision you make, every choice, should be centered around that one thing – giving your best self. If you are focused on what you will receive in return for your efforts, then you are distracted and may make the wrong choices. You have to have faith that what you receive in return to your giving your best self is the right and best result. It has to be. Even science agrees that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Therefore, giving your best self and living your purpose will result in the best outcome. It is just that sometimes the outcome is not always obvious or what you would expect, which is why your faith is so important. You have to know, through faith, that you are always achieving the best results in order to keep going. The bottom line is that there is no proof, none that I can point to anyway, that you are in fact being your best self and/or achieving your greatest success. Yet, you have to proceed with conviction without proof. You have to trust the process, the means, without evidence of its end. That, by definition, is faith. 

Finding true love is no different, and it is rooted in the same premise – purpose. To me, true love is the romantic notion that there is that one person out there that is meant for you – your soul mate. It is the idea that amidst the many wandering souls on the planet, that there is the perfect match for you, another soul or spirit that (to steal one from Jerry MaGuire) completes you, and makes you your best self. In other words, finding true love enables you to live your purpose. Which brings us back to faith. Just like you must proceed with the conviction that there is a best you, and that being and giving your best self is your purpose, so too must you proceed with the conviction that true love is real. That all things being equal, just as there is a best you, there is a counterpart that is equally best suited for you and helps you become an even better version of your best self.

Now, you may ask, assuming I believe in true love, how will I ever find that other person? With over 7 billion other unique souls on the planet, what are the odds I will ever cross paths with that person? What are the odds that we will ever meet or make eye contact? Extraordinary, I would say. In fact, I would go far as to say that everyone at some point in life encounters their true love. They must. Is a bee led astray from the flower? No. In fact, it is led directly from flower to flower so that is can pollenate all of those plants along its journey, thus fulfilling a vital purpose in nature. The problem is that most people are too distracted to ever see true love. Instead, we are focused on school, jobs, travelling, timing, money, etc. We are too focused on a result or goal, the ends, which distracts us from the means and causes us to make the wrong choices. Choices, free will. These are unique to the human condition.  We may not control our circumstances. We may not control the options we are given to choose from in life. But we do control the choices we make based on those options and circumstances. That is the balance of fate and free will. But just like the bee is given the flower, so too will we be given the options to live our purpose and to find our true love. The challenge is that we have to choose our path. We have to choose to live our purpose. We have to choose our true love (and they need to choose you back).

The only thing preventing you from living your purpose is you. The only thing that will prevent you from finding true love is you. You already have the answers. Your purpose is right there to be lived, you know it. Success and true love are right before your very eyes. You just need to let go of your fear, a fear that is based on not having proof that what you know is right. You know who you are. You know how to live and be your best self. You just need faith to move forward. Now go, and have fun storming the castle! 

Be a Start-Up Jedi: Do or Do Not, There is No Try…

This past weekend, I introduced my two sons (ages 4 and 5) to the original Star Wars Trilogy. It was a big moment. Sure, they already knew about Star Wars and have watched many of the animated shows on DisneyXD, but this was the original. This is where it all began. I watched as my two aspiring Jedis sat glued to the screen, witnessing young Luke Skywalker begin his Jedi training. “Do, or do not,” Master Yoda commands, “there is no try.” I was probably around the same age when I first heard those words (maybe a little younger even), and to this day they have not left me. “Do, or do not. There is no try.” So simple, yet so profound. Hidden beneath the depths of the swamp on planet Dagobah was not only Luke’s sunken X-wing fighter, but a lesson we can all learn from.

“Do, or Do Not…”

We are in a constant state of doing or not doing. “Trying” to do something does not exist in the present, only in the past. If you focus on the present, you are never “trying” to do something. You are either in the process of doing something or you are not doing that something. Now, the something that you are doing presently may potentially lead somewhere, but that somewhere is not in the present – it is in the future. When you are “doing” something, you are in motion, moving towards something or somewhere. It is only when you stop that you will you have completed (or not completed) something. If you stop before you have completed your something, then (and only then) can you say that you “tried” to do that something. Take, for example, climbing a mountain. As soon as you start climbing, at the moment of your very first step, you are presently climbing the mountain. You are “doing”, not trying to do. If you make it to the top of the mountain, you will have successfully completed, or done, the climb. If on the other hand, you stop climbing before making it to the top of the mountain, then you could say that you “tried” to climb to the top (assuming that was your goal) but failed. What’s the point?  You only fail to accomplish your goal when you stop doing. Only then, when you have given up and stopped, will you have “tried” to accomplish that goal. If you fall and have to start over at the bottom of the mountain and you continue and start climbing again, you are still climbing the mountain and never stopped. In other words, you choose whether you succeed or fail.

“There is no try.”

You should never set out to “try” to do something. You should always set out to “do” that something. Leading with the old “I’ll try” attitude, is leading with doubt and fear. To say that you will “try” means that you believe there is a possibility that you may not succeed. This is no way live life. Every successful person who has ever written or spoken about success will tell you that believing in yourself is key. If you believe in yourself, work your hardest and never give up, you will succeed.

The same holds true for artists, athletes and entrepreneurs. You do not become a world champion athlete, rock star or successful entrepreneur by not believing you can do it. You absolutely must know you can. It is that freedom from doubt that empowers you to take that first step and start climbing your mountain. You are going to make it to the top. You are going to succeed. You know this the minute you start “doing.” You are never trying, taking each successful step, and each inevitable fall, with grace and determination, knowing it is all part of the process of climbing. There is no failure, there is no “trying,” unless you stop. “Do. Or Do Not. There is no try.”

Be Thankful for Rejection, and Keep Moving Forward

Let’s get one thing straight – rejection is not failure. I will say it again. Rejection is NOT failure.  Failure, by definition, is a lack of success. It is the condition or fact of not achieving a desired end or effect. In other words, failure occurs at the end of a process, and it reflects the inability to achieve what was sought out by that process. Rejection, on the other hand, is the dismissal or refusing of a proposal. It does not necessarily mean the death (or ultimate failure) of the process. The reality is that that you will most likely have several proposals rejected before your desired end or effect, whatever that may be, is finally achieved. And you should be thankful for each and every rejection along the way. Here’s why.

So far as I can tell, rejection occurs primarily for two reasons. Either, (1) there is something wrong with your proposal that needs improvement, or (2) the party to whom you are making the proposal just isn’t interested and isn’t, therefore, the right match for whatever you were offering. If there is something wrong with your proposal, you should find out what that is. Ask questions, get feedback. This type of rejection can only be constructive and allow you to improve upon your proposal. You may even find that the feedback you get, although constructive, results in you realizing that the party to whom you were making your proposal just was not the right fit. There actually wasn’t anything wrong with your proposal, it’s just that you and the person to whom you were making your proposal have a different vision, and that’s okay. Which brings me to the second reason you should be thankful for rejection – finding the right match.

Whether in life or in business, finding a partner or someone to accept your proposal is not about just finding any one, it’s about finding the right one. Whether you are looking for love, trying to find an investor for your business, or trying to get your film made, finding the right partner is key. The last thing you want is to spend your life trying to love, work with, or create an artistic vision with someone who just doesn’t get you. So, if there is nothing “wrong” with your proposal, be thankful for all of the rejection you find along the way. After all, you are basically eliminating a bunch of wrong partners.

Rejection is a big part of life, and embracing it is critical to achieving your success. Just remember, rejection will either make you improve upon your proposal or make you realize you were in front of the wrong person. Your desired end or effect still awaits you, so long as you keep trying and allow your process, or journey, to continue. So, be thankful for rejection, and keep moving forward.

On the film side, here is a list of screenplays that were initially rejected, but went on to become huge successes.

Ladies and Gentlemen, His Name is Paul Heyman...

When I think of the spirit that is embodied by artists, athletes and entrepreneurs – the very spirit that inspired me to launch this little blog nearly two years ago – there is one man who stands tall as a shining example of that spirit. His artistic genius when it comes to crafting stories and sculpting personalities in the world of sports entertainment is unmatched. His ferocious competitive spirit has brought him face-to-face with some of the most impressive physical athletes of our time. A consummate entrepreneur, he has hustled his way to build several companies and brands. On TV, he is one of the most hated and feared personalities around. Off camera, he is a loving father and business man. He has lived, and is living, a life fueled purely by passion. Ladies and gentlemen, his name is Paul Heyman.

In his own words, Paul’s father “could only admire his son’s moxy, and drive, and hustle, and wherewithal to pursue his dreams, no matter how [he] achieved them.” His “get it done” mentality is the stuff all entrepreneurs should strive for, and it started at a young age. In Ladies and Gentlemen, My Name is Paul Heyman (available now on DVD – nothing wrong with a shameless plug), Paul recounts his first hustle – at the tender age of 14. By that time, Paul was already running a wrestling fan magazine out of his parents’ home, which he built using his bar mitzvah money (isn’t that what all kids do?). Paul would spend his time chasing after professional wrestlers and taking photographs. But he had one target in mind – Madison Square Garden. How does a 14-year old photographer hustle his way onto the legendary floor of Madison Square Garden? Well, Paul read an article that said Vincent James McMahon (owner of the then World Wrestling Federation, now WWE) used to get his haircut at the Warwick Hotel every Monday prior to a wrestling event at MSG, and then after the event would close down Ben Benson’s Steakhouse and take his inner circle out. So, Paul found the number for Capital Wrestling Corporation, and being the publisher of his own magazine, asked for Mr. McMahon, who he claimed to have run into at Ben Benson’s Steakhouse, where Mr. McMahon promised Paul a press pass for MSG. And voila, Paul got his press pass and successfully hustled his way into MSG. Like any great entrepreneur, Paul had a goal and found a way to get it done.

In addition to passion and a savvy for finding ways to get it done, another quality crucial to success is being able to see opportunities and seize them. When Paul was 19 years old, he convinced legendary nightclub Studio 54 to allow him to photograph Gorgeous Jimmy Garvin, a then famous professional wrestler, at the club for a promo. While there, Studio 54’s head photographer became drunk and belligerent, and was ultimately thrown out of the club. While many just saw a scene, Paul saw an opportunity.

“Wow, that’s a very famous photographer,” Paul turned to the General Manager of Studio 54 and said in surprise. “What are you going to do here?”

“I don’t know,” the General Manager muttered.

“Well, if you’re looking for a head photographer,” Paul emphatically proclaimed, “I’M YOU’RE GUY!”

The General Manager looked at Paul. “Really,” he asked, “can you do that?”

Without hesitation, Paul replied confidently, “Of course I can. Why can’t I do it? I’ve been doing it my whole life.”

So the next day, Paul started as the head photographer at Studio 54.

That same fearlessness and willingness to jump into a situation and seize an opportunity lead to the first ever wrestling event that Paul actually promoted. In the summer of ’85, another famous nightclub, the Palladium, opened and created fierce competition for Studio 54 and took many of its employees. Amidst the fallout, Paul walks into Studio 54 one day and says, “I can produce Friday nights.” 

“You can?” they ask.  

“Sure, Why can’t I," Paul responds, "I’ve been doing it my whole life.” 

Thus began Paul's journey into wrestling promotion, which would take him across the country and ultimately lead to his on-screen role as the advocate for some of the greatest professional wrestlers of all time, the creation of the Extreme Championship Wrestling (ECW) brand, which would forever change the face of professional wresting (or sports entertainment) and lead to the so-called "attitude era", his ultimate return to WWE, and the launch of his multi-media platform, The Heyman Hustle, and marketing, branding and advertising agency, The Looking4Larry Agency. 

Paul’s story is unique in many ways, but it also shares many of the same qualities of other success stories told by artists, athletes and entrepreneurs. Like all, it starts with passion. Simply put, Paul is living his passion. As former professional wrestler turned UFC fighter Phil Brooks (who wrestled under the name “CM Punk”) recalls: “He showed me a picture of him when he was interviewing Bruno San Martino. He was 14 years old, and he has this big grin on his face, and it’s the same exact grin I saw last night after we got done performing in Providence, RI. Same exact grin.” Paul is doing what he loves and is passionate about, and he has not let the many trials and challenges he has faced along the way affect the sheer joy he gets out of living and working every day.

After passion comes hard work, and hustle. Like his late mother, who survived the holocaust, Paul is a true survivor. Not only is Paul back in the WWE, a company many (including himself) never thought he would work for again, he is at the top of his game and serving as the advocate for the reigning, defending, undisputed WWE world heavyweight champion – Brrrrrooooockkk Lesnar. Paul has survived because he never quit, and has spent his career seeing and seizing opportunities.

“Where there is chaos, there is opportunity,” Paul once famously declared. A mantra every entrepreneur (hell, every person) should live by. You are only down if you say you are down. The most important thing is to get up, and keep going. Whether you are an artist, athlete or entrepreneur, you are going to face many challenges, and many rejections. You are going to here “no” way more than you are going to hear “yes.” There is going to be chaos, constant chaos. It is when you embrace life’s challenges and see the opportunities within the chaos that you will be able to succeed. It is easy to let negative experiences affect you, but you have to press on and see past it all. In Paul’s words:

“Experience is the greatest inhibitor of creativity and innovation, because you learn from experience what not to do. But it’s the unbridled passion, and the fearlessness to just go into something with reckless abandon that allows you to create something from nothing, that allows you to innovate…” Be fearless, and live your passion.

For more on Paul’s story, check out the “Ladies and Gentlemen, My Name is Paul Heyman” DVD, or watch it for free when you subscribe to the WWE Network. 

Nothin' But a Good Time

I’m a fan of music. That’s no secret. I also grew up in the 80’s, so naturally I have an affinity for all things hard rock (yes, sometimes referred to as “hair bands” today). Why does that matter? Because my iPhone has a decent variety of 80’s hard rock on it and in introducing my two boys (ages 4 and 5 now) to a wide variety of musical genres they have taken a liking to many of the 80’s classics (I don’t know, maybe it’s the stadium size drums, or shredding guitar riffs – who can blame them, really). Well, the other day while driving home and listening to some tunes together, Poison’s hit “Nothin’ But a Good Time” comes on.  My two boys immediately respond with an enthusiastic “Oh yeah” and begin singing along. Then, my 4-year old interrupts and wants to have a conversation.

“Daddy,” he bellows over the music, “you wanna know what the game is?”

“The game?” I ask.

“Yeah, it’s complicated,” he continues, still speaking loudly as though trying to talk over the music, even though I have lowered the sound. “In this song, he wants to have the best time. But for him, singing rock n’ roll is the best time. So he’s already having the best time.

“Huh,” I remark, dumbfounded.

“Yeah, and that’s the game.”

“So, the game is finding your best time, and then doing whatever that is?” I ask, the teacher now having become the student.

“Yeah,” he affirms, “and for him it’s singing rock n’ roll, and he’s doing it!”

I smile, and look in the rearview mirror at the little boy who was once not too long ago a baby and see him growing before my eyes, gaining a glimpse at the man he will all too soon become.

“That’s right,” I say, “he’s doing what he loves. He wants the best time, and he is having it.”

Kids say the darndest things, that’s for sure. But sometimes it takes the simple, enthusiastic words of a child discovering the world around him to help us realize some of life’s truths. Thank you, Bret Michaels and Co. for inspiring that moment with my son, and for inspiring him to reflect on your situation – you pursued your passion of music, never gave up, and succeeded. And that deserves recognition. When you live your passion, when you do what you love, life ain’t nothin’ but a good time. Here's a link to Poison's video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_88L-CU7PD4

Happy Holidays!

Honesty is Always the Best Policy

Honesty is always the best policy. I honestly believe that. Whether in business, with family, friendships or other relationships, being truthful always leads to the right result. It doesn’t always produce the most immediately satisfying result (and in fact can often lead to awkward or challenging moments), but in the long run it is definitely best for everyone involved. Think about it, decisions and actions made on false premises will ultimately lead to false outcomes, and eventually need to be corrected. (I am of course talking about long-term results here. Lying and cheating can “get you ahead” in the short-term, but even then your reputation and credibility will be tarnished. You know the old saying, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, well . . .”). In any event, I think it is pretty clear how honesty builds a strong foundation in all facets of life. However, the greatest challenge is not always being honest with others, it is being honest with yourself. 

Very often you will hear people say that the key to success is doing what you love, and following your passions. I am one of those people you will hear saying this, and I absolutely believe it to be true. The trick is knowing what you love and knowing what your true passions are in life, which requires you to be brutally honest with yourself. Doing what you love or living your passion is all about life’s journey. It is not about some destination or goal you have set out to achieve. What do I mean by that? Many people focus on the potential fruits of their labor, instead of focusing on the labor itself. That’s a problem, because your labor is what you are going to be doing day in and day out. In other words, your labor is your life’s journey. Doing what you love and living your passion should mean that you love and are passionate about your labor, the fruits from which you will also inevitably enjoy.

Take, for example, entertainers. Many people set out to be an actor or singer because really what they want is the fame and fortune that being an actor or singer potentially brings, not necessarily because they absolutely love and are passionate about acting or singing. Yet, they most likely do not realize this fact because they are not being honest with themselves, which is sometimes very hard to do. After all, they may be talented and even have some of the attributes associated with famous entertainers, and they may even be receiving encouragement to pursue such a career by family, friends, etc. who are also intrigued by the potential winning lotto ticket that success in the entertainment industry can be (by the way, you are better off playing the actual lottery). And let’s face it, they are probably dreamers, since they set out to accomplish such lofty goals, and heck, being an entertainer could be fun. The same is true for many who pursue becoming a professional athlete. How often do you hear about kids or young adults playing sports because they see it as a “way out” of their small town or inner city neighborhood? They are willing to pursue a labor that has perhaps the least likelihood of success, because of the potential fruits they may enjoy if successful (no matter how remote). The same holds true for business owners and entrepreneurs. Are you starting a business because you love and are passionate about the product or service you are going to provide? Or, are you just looking for a payday. Entrepreneurs who start out already thinking about an exit strategy are doomed to fail. Why? Because obviously they are focused only on the fruits of their labor, and not building the best damn company and business they can build.

Discovering who you are and what you are truly passionate about is one of life’s greatest challenges, but it is also one of the secrets to success and, ultimately, happiness. So try, really try, to be honest with yourself when it comes to who you are. Listen to that inner voice, and trust it. You already have the answer. After all, it is who you are.

 

Stop Chasing Your Dreams, and Start Living Your Passions

When someone says, "follow your dreams," what does that really mean? I think all too often people have a goal in mind or destination in life where they think that if they achieve that goal or arrive at that destination they will be happy, and they call that their “dream.” Once they accomplish that goal or arrive at that destination they will have arrived at their dream. They will have finished, and can now stop. They will be done. In other words, for many people their “dream” is an end, some far off majestic place they need to get to. It almost doesn’t matter how they get there.

To me, getting somewhere without absolutely loving the process seems pointless. Life is a journey; it is not a means to an end. It is, in fact, the means. So the idea of having a “dream,” some far off fantasy land that you hope someday you will arrive at seems almost pointless. What if it takes your whole life to get there? What if you never get there? Then, and all to late might I add, will you spent your life chasing something you never achieved and, in the meantime, may have missed out on life or not enjoyed it to its fullest.

If I told you that you would be the happiest you could be for one day on the last day of the year, the 365^th day of the year, would you spend the other 364 days miserable or unhappy trying to achieve that one day? I certainly hope not. So why is it any different with your life? Why would you spend the better part of your life trying to achieve something that you think will bring you happiness, when it isn’t even guaranteed that it will? In fact, chances are, if your happiness is defined by achieving some goal, you will never be happy. Because once you achieve that goal you will want to achieve the next thing, and will spend the next part of your life or year unhappy trying to achieve it. Your life will become a vicious cycle.

For example, you might say, “My dream is to be the greatest baseball player that ever lived.” Really? Being the greatest baseball player that ever lived can only come at the end of a career spent playing baseball.  I think in that case what you are really saying is that baseball is your passion. That you love the game of baseball and want to spend every waking hour of you life devoted to mastering the sport and becoming the greatest baseball player ever. If that is the case, then what are you waiting for? Start now. Don’t wait. Wake up tomorrow and begin training. Study the sport inside and out. Go to games. Watch games on television. Read every book ever written on baseball. And damn it, play. Be baseball. Eat, sleep and breathe it. Before you know it, baseball will be your life. You will be living baseball. And when all is said and done, when you finally look back at your life, then you (or others) can access whether you were the "greatest baseball player that ever lived." Odds are not, but you would have had a lot of fun trying. 

The point is, rather than trying setting your sights on some far off “dream,” try to live a life loving what you do every day. Figure out what you are passionate about, and surround yourself with whatever that is. Immerse yourself in the industry, culture, etc. of your passion. Most importantly, don’t wait to start – see living your passion as your dream, and start living it now.